Cleansing...

I have had a couple of days to recoup from the show on May 21st at the Backstage Lounge. Mainly, I will admit, from having a tad bit too much wine. I discovered that bands at the Backstage Lounge get drink tickets. I did not know this, but someone from the other band did. This was not a good idea. I learned this the next day. :o) I will make a public apology to Jesse Matheson and his tasty Midnight Snacks for my drunken bantering with them while they were on stage putting on a fantastic show to close the night! *sheepish look*

This show had a lot of symbolism to me. It was very emotional on many levels - the meaning of it, the organizing of it, the heart I put into it, the pain that came out of it... I had to make some hard decisions when it came to this show, and really these decision reflected on some hard decisions I needed to make about myself. Because of these decisions, I dreaded and anticipated the night of the show... To others, it was just another Kat Gillis show. To me, it marked the beginning of a clearer path in my journey, the end of a very strenuous time for me, the weeding out of the horrible seeds I've allowed in my life.

The turnout that night was better than the last time I did a show at the Backstage Lounge, still not amazing, still sparse, but better... but in the end, that didn't even matter to me anymore. I was just happy when the night was done... because it meant that the chapter of bad people in my life was closed. I can now move on without any remnance of them.

I know that writing about this might seem a bit much to some. But honestly, I felt the need to write about this publically. I have been writing about it in my song book, just writing without stopping... letting all my pain out from the last few months. But what has happened to me with the people I let in my life has left me here with a lot of hurt, betrayal, anger, confusion. I'm also disappointed that I did not listen to my instincts, because I knew that they were crying out, telling me to walk the other way and not believe that these people were genuine. I think writing about this right now is my way of healing, I want to share this with you, and hope that I do connect with someone out there who has felt this way. It's my way of cleansing... so bear with me.

I am looking ahead and I will have a more level head when it comes to making my choices. This summer is going to be amazing. I am helping out with the music to Rent in Vancouver. I am recording again. I've got good things ahead.

I know that what I went through was painful, but it definitely has painted a clearer picture of who I want in my life. The positive I surround myself with will strengthen me and push me to keep pushing harder. I have definitely sharpened my instincts. This is life. We learn from everything and everyone around us ... even if it has us hurting for a while.

Thanks to everyone who did show up at the Backstage Lounge, Jeff Hawker, being one of them, my friends from the Five Point, Michelle... and even Kelly Golby, the one who booked me at the Backstage Lounge, he doesn't show up to shows that often, so it meant a lot to me when he did show up to watch me. The support I had that night was very much appreciated.

Of course, thank you for always supporting me. I will be working on Rent a lot this summer, so some updates on that will definitely be coming! I am also working on the next track with Daniel at FaderMaster, so that's definitely exciting!

Thank you for bearing with me as I let this out. I needed to write about this!